Thursday, December 30, 2010

Life feels on hold

Sorry for the lack of updates on this blog. I have a different blog that I've been posting gal stuff to. In any case, lots and lots of stuff is happening, but it feels like everything is on hold as far as long term goals go.

Instead of saving for a house, Mark and I have decided that I will be going to school instead. Which is kind of exciting, but bumming me out in a way as well... Because of the poor decisions I made as a teenager, and without someone or a scholarship paying for my schooling after high school, I jumped straight into having a job and trying to support myself.

Luckily, I worked my way into medical billing, gained enough experience, and have established myself in a modest 32k a year job. I'm not sure if this is the career path I want... I always imagined being a teacher, nurse, or a paralegal. Of course, now all the teacher friends I have say that teaching will suck your soul away. I just honestly don't know where to go as far as a degree plan is concerned.

Not only that, but plans for a house and family have been put on hold. I should be able to pound through a hard four years to get my bachelors degree, starting at SanJac then transferring to U of H Clearlake. I'll have finished school by the time I turn 30.

But then what, hmmm? I start my career of course. I don't see kids fitting into that plan very well. It feels like we will be renting an apartment forever. And if we get a house? Then the mortgage will not be paid until we are like 60 or something.

Mark is preoccupied with his idea of a proper "order of operations". School first, house second, and (if he has it his way I think) no kids. Kind of feels like we're holding each other back in a way. I want a house with a family before I'm 30. Mark wants us to both have degrees and work towards a cushy retirement without kids around to suck away all his money.

Of course we both knew what we were getting into before we married, but we just assumed that a compromise would work itself out. I just don't know what to compromise on. School? Kids? Career? Housing?

Obviously I am going to get a degree. My first class starts on January 19th. I'm taking math. english, and history. So I'm already on that track.

We will be getting a 2bed 2bath apartment in April and rooming with Ivan to help offset the cost of school. I will be moving to part time employment so that I can go to school full time. If I attend all the mini holiday and summer semesters, I should be done in a reasonable amount of time.

We're not sure how much school will cost in total, semester by semester, so our savings goals are up in the air. Haha... they were kind of put on hold for the holidays anyway!

What I would really like to see happen, is getting a house, and offsetting the cost of a mortgage by having Ivan as a roommate. Same plan, just different living quarters, right? That way we can work towards owning a home instead of renting. And the down payment...? Uhmmm, yeah... back to the problem of our savings goals.

I just don't know how this is all going to work out, but full speed ahead!!!

Saturday, October 16, 2010


I did quite a bit of shopping today, and I couldn't resist getting this toy!

Mark and I had so much fun, and the kids downstairs were like "woo-hoo! bubbles!"

I should not have done this! It made the bubble liquid get all over the handle...

Poor Mark had to touch a sticky gun.

...and then Mark tried to bite the bubbles.
Ahhhhh... such simple fun! ^_^

Monday, August 9, 2010

Not Me Monday!

"Not Me!" Monday is a blog ring started by MckMama! It's a ton of fun! It's so much fun to share all the things I have *not* been doing, and read what everyone else has *not* been up to as well!

Ehhh... so I've totally *not* been neglecting my blog. I know all you who read my posts have *not* been getting ants in your pants waiting for me. I would *never* leave my friends hanging like that.

Furthermore, I would like to say that I have *not* totally given up on meal planning. It is definitely *not* because I have an hour commute to and from work. As a result, Mark and I have *not* decided to start the my fit foods program. (check it out at

After looking at our budget and savings goals, and realizing we were totally rocking, I did *not* go on a clothes and makeup and fun shopping spree! I also did *not* convince Mark on a whim of mine to go and buy a digital camera. I certainly did *not* break the last one by dropping it with the lens open. :(

I did *not* work through lunch today and leave early since the doc is out of town. I also did *not* clean out the craft room as a surprise for Mark. I am *never* that motivated to clean! I am *not* also about to try to convince him to take me out as a reward. I would *never* do such a thing.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010


A good friend of mine, working with a volunteer group, asked for my advice on what to say to a guy. I got all giggly inside, thinking she had a new fling. As it turns out, a married guy was hitting on her.

She knew he was married, he knew that that she knew he was married, and he still tried to slide his way into her bed. He tries to hug her, and kiss her, and flirt with her. She tells him he's a disgusting pig, and that he needs to stop disrespecting his family. She is stuck in a group with him, so she asks him about his wife frequently. He bags on her constantly. Then, that asshole still thinks he's a real charmer and can get my friend to like him.

Some people just never stop with the same old bullshit. My friend and I have talked at length about this douche bag, and we both agree on several things: this guy should not be with anyone, he needs to see a psychiatrist or therapist, and that this is definitely not the first time he has tried this crap on another woman.

The conversation then turned her ex-boyfriend. He lived with her, didn't have a job, and failed to contribute anything to the household. She would come home from a full time job, clean the house, cook dinner, get the kids bathed and in bed, do the dishes, and then finish up her wonderful day washing, drying, and then folding his laundry. For goodness sakes, she had to remind the man to take a damn bath.

Of course, looking back we laughed at what an idiot will do in the name of love. There were times when she'd decide that enough was enough, and tell him to straighten up and help out. They'd fight, he'd moan and groan about his lot in life, and then he would get his shit together.

At least, for a few weeks he would resist the urge to be a total loser. He would help out around the house and look for employment. But then it would be back to the same old bullshit. She'd threaten to kick him out, and he would shape up for a bit. Then he would slip into the same tired old routine.

They obviously broke up, but it took her years to realize he wouldn't change his revolting habits. They went through a constant and vicious cycle of disrespect, laziness, anger, and then false hope.

It just makes me so angry and sad that people like that can skate by in life. It's sickening to see these assholes take advantage of good, hardworking people. It makes me feel helpless to watch the same old bullshit cycle around, and to see my friends or family stuck in it.

I just want to tell these people how worthless and disgusting they are. I wish I could cast them away to another world, far away from the people I care about.

Of course, I have very little right to judge others so harshly. I've made plenty of mistakes in my life, and I have gone through cycles of laziness as well. But, I'd like to think I'm better than the people I'm so angry about. I hope that I don't cause my friends and family such drama and heartache.

OK, deep breath. No more poisonous thoughts for today. It sure felt good to get that out, and I know that I can't change other people or the world sometimes.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Anger Issues - I don't have them.

I've heard people tell me that I'm an "Angry Person", and say it like they meant "Bad" instead of "Angry". I've got a few choice words for people like that. You will find them peppered through out this blog.

Now come on people. Why is it wrong to feel Angry? I think people associate Anger with negative actions. Yes, it's true that Anger can cause people to act rashly or harshly. Anger can also make you passionate about a cause, a wrong-doing, or an injustice, for example. I'd say Martin Luther King Jr. was pretty Angry regarding discrimination in the south. He probably got mad when they got his order wrong in the drive-thru.

Most people will argue (at this point) that it matters what you get Angry about. There's a big difference between the civil rights movement and a cheeseburger! You shouldn't be Angry over a cheeseburger, for goodness sake.

Ah, not so, my closed-minded friend.

Say someone gets my order wrong at the drive-thru, and I feel Angry. So, I shouldn't feel Angry? What should I feel? Happy, Sad, or perhaps Afraid? Feelings are feelings, and no one has the right to dictate how you should or shouldn't feel.

What really matters is how you ACT. Now at this point, I could yell, curse, and throw my cheeseburger back at them, or I could politely ask them to fix it and wait patiently while they do so. Either way, I'm mad because someone didn't take my order correctly. The difference would be that I don't act like a total buffoon about the situation.

Now, let's look at the civil rights movement. What if no one was Angry about being treated wrongly? What if they were just Sad and Afraid? I will tell you this, with passion in my heart and Anger behind my words, that there wouldn't have been a civil rights movement.

I believe Anger is an important emotion. If we didn't have Anger in our hearts, we'd all be doormats. If there was no anger in the world, there would be nothing to temper several of our other emotions. Hatred, Fear, and Greed would run wild with only a slim chance at being checked.

Only ignorant and bland people will preach against being Angry. These are the same cretins that would speak against being Afraid.

When faced with a challenge, I've heard, "Come on! Don't be Afraid! Just do it!"

Again, no one has the right to tell you how to feel. It's fine to be Afraid. It's what you do about it that's important. Completing a task in spite of feeling Afraid is called Courage.

In conclusion, I am an Angry Person who is Afraid sometimes, but I am also undeniably a Good Person.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

"Me" Time

I've been thinking about "me" time and what that means to some people. I just heard someone complaining about not having enough. She just married not too long ago, and made a comment about envying the single life. Some one else replied that you get used to it, you become "one with your husband", and that family time takes up all your time.

WOW. I couldn't disagree more. As a side note, agreeing or disagreeing is generally absolute and not relative. You either agree or disagree, right? ...But I wanted to sound dramatic. Ok, moving along now...

I know people in my family that have adopted that point of view: living a life with no "me" time. You know what happens at the end of the day? When your family is grown and on their own, when you're alone with yourself and no husband around, you don't know what to do. That's because you don't even know who you are anymore. Scary.

I've seen people in that situation (not naming anyone) that become really depressed at that point in their life. Some of our patients are like that. Ever see the movie Failure to Launch? The mom towards the end of the movie is a prime example. Thinking about it makes me want to cry.

So! I always make sure I've got time to myself at least a couple times during the week. Some of my favorite things to do are: read, go have some coffee and read, write short stories, go shopping, make something crafty (like hair accessories, jewelry, paintings), and most of all - go shopping!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Stuff on the brain

A lot of little things have been floating around my brain, either to encourage me or annoy me. Just little things, but a lot of them. I'm hoping that writing about it will get everything straightened out in my head.

It seems that there's not enough time in the day. I spend 11 hours a day away from home with work and my commute. I have to come home and cook dinner, take care of any chores, and then find some time to unwind. I also need to find more time to go to the gym, read more books, play more video games, watch movies or shows. Sometimes I feel like all I do is work and come home to cook. Goodness, if I had kids I'd have even less time for myself.

Ultimately, I wish that work and home were closer. Right now, that's not an option. I have a court date set in August to sue a delinquent account for the clinic. I can't exactly just leave them hanging on that. After we see how this case works out, we may send a whole group of accounts through the court system. Another commitment is coming my way! I found out quite a while ago that court dates are usually full for about 6 - 8 months out. Do people really sue other people or companies that much around here? Jeeeeez.

I've filled out all my thank you cards (as of three weeks ago), and I've given them to Mark to mail out. He still hasn't done that. I don't want to be a nag, but come on!!!! Mail the damn thank you cards already. How annoying...

Lots of my friends are tying the knot! Yay! I know I'm about to sound really shallow here, but whatehv. I'm going to put this out here anyway. Ladies, when you put on that fabulous and perfect corset back wedding dress, please don't cinch yourself in so tightly! I've seen a couple of very pretty gowns on girls in fairly good physical shape that are tightened too much. Then you know what happens? Muffin top and back crease. Seriously! Look at this:

I know I wasn't exactly "slim and trim" on my big day, but I'd like to imagine that I wore a flattering dress that fit my body type well. Who knows? Maybe I was delusional... It wouldn't be the first time. ;)

I tried something new today! I woke up around five-ish this morning and hit the gym before work. It was nice because the gym wasn't crowded. It was also a pain because I was sleepy and couldn't get moving enough to burn a significant amount of calories. I'm going to keep at it though. I think I just need to go to bed a little earlier and get used to the routine. Then on days I don't go workout, it will feel like I get to sleep in. Right?