A good friend of mine, working with a volunteer group, asked for my advice on what to say to a guy. I got all giggly inside, thinking she had a new fling. As it turns out, a married guy was hitting on her.
She knew he was married, he knew that that she knew he was married, and he still tried to slide his way into her bed. He tries to hug her, and kiss her, and flirt with her. She tells him he's a disgusting pig, and that he needs to stop disrespecting his family. She is stuck in a group with him, so she asks him about his wife frequently. He bags on her constantly. Then, that asshole still thinks he's a real charmer and can get my friend to like him.
Some people just never stop with the same old bullshit. My friend and I have talked at length about this douche bag, and we both agree on several things: this guy should not be with anyone, he needs to see a psychiatrist or therapist, and that this is definitely not the first time he has tried this crap on another woman.
The conversation then turned her ex-boyfriend. He lived with her, didn't have a job, and failed to contribute anything to the household. She would come home from a full time job, clean the house, cook dinner, get the kids bathed and in bed, do the dishes, and then finish up her wonderful day washing, drying, and then folding his laundry. For goodness sakes, she had to remind the man to take a damn bath.
Of course, looking back we laughed at what an idiot will do in the name of love. There were times when she'd decide that enough was enough, and tell him to straighten up and help out. They'd fight, he'd moan and groan about his lot in life, and then he would get his shit together.
At least, for a few weeks he would resist the urge to be a total loser. He would help out around the house and look for employment. But then it would be back to the same old bullshit. She'd threaten to kick him out, and he would shape up for a bit. Then he would slip into the same tired old routine.
They obviously broke up, but it took her years to realize he wouldn't change his revolting habits. They went through a constant and vicious cycle of disrespect, laziness, anger, and then false hope.
It just makes me so angry and sad that people like that can skate by in life. It's sickening to see these assholes take advantage of good, hardworking people. It makes me feel helpless to watch the same old bullshit cycle around, and to see my friends or family stuck in it.
I just want to tell these people how worthless and disgusting they are. I wish I could cast them away to another world, far away from the people I care about.
Of course, I have very little right to judge others so harshly. I've made plenty of mistakes in my life, and I have gone through cycles of laziness as well. But, I'd like to think I'm better than the people I'm so angry about. I hope that I don't cause my friends and family such drama and heartache.
OK, deep breath. No more poisonous thoughts for today. It sure felt good to get that out, and I know that I can't change other people or the world sometimes.
OK, I have to ask: Is she going to report him for harassment? Because if she has told him no, and he continues that kind of behavior, that's exactly what it is. In our society's current zero tolerance atmosphere, reporting him will definitely make an impact. At least, we can hope that it will.
ReplyDeleteAnd, finally, I'm really glad that you've got a good guy and don't have to worry about stuff like that!
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ReplyDeleteSilly typos! Anyway:
ReplyDeleteMistakes you may have made, but chiquita you have never been a user like that. And hell, everyone has lazy seasons!
And thank goodness for good men like ours, right?
As far as judging--while we may never know the circumstances of a situation entirely, certain actions are just plain wrong, and it is not unfair or judgmental to say so.
Even if he were single, that man's harassing behavior would show that he is definitely a piece of trash. The fact that he is married only makes it worse. There are no good reasons or excuses for cheating. Married men who pursue relationships outside of their marriage are cowards--either they are too cowardly to face and work on the problems in their marriage or they are too cowardly to leave a bad situation. If things are really that bad, he should walk--but sadly, it sounds like this guy is one of those who won't leave one sure thing until they have another lined up, if then.
I agree that your friend should report his behavior--letting him get away with harassment is NOT ok. The fact that it's in a volunteer situation just makes the whole thing skeezier--he knows there isn't an official structure like there is in a workplace, and he's probably taking advantage of that fact.
Yay for blog-venting! I'm glad you feel better. I'm sending happy thoughts your way! :-D
It is irritating to see people like that. It makes me wonder just exactly how many bad guys vs good guys there are in the world. I have a negative view and think most men are just users, but that may be from bad experiences. At least, like Kristen said, we've got our good guys. It's seeing people like that that really make you appreciate and be truly grateful for what you have. Cheers to Mark for being a great guy! And, you totally are better than those people by the way. :)
ReplyDeletewow. I needed this post. I think its funny that sometimes just when you need it the universe steers you straight into a clear point of view from the most random source. thanks Alicia!
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